Provided is an example personal statement submitted to us by one of our clients.  This client is applying to physician assistant school for the first time and ordered our Advanced Revision package.  The first essay is what he initially submitted to us.  The final draft is what he has submitted to CASPA.  Identifying information has been removed (with permission from the applicant) to respect their anonymity.  

Want to get into PA school?

First Draft:

Physician Assistant Essay

Imagine a person can live healthy from the day he/she born until they die. How great it would be if they can go after the passion they have and help the world with their unique abilities. For instance, Late Mr. Steve Jobs, who doesn’t know him, a cofounder and CEO of Apple,Inc, who gave the technology a new direction that we all use it now in the form of smartphone and many more. He diagnosed of pancreas neuroendocrine tumor in 2003 and died in 2011. Now, it is a fact that we all will die when time comes but until that time, we have a choice to be healthy so that we can help the world by our unique abilities and follow our passion. My passion is that I want to increase all of my patient’s healthy years in their lives and that is why I would like to get into a physician Assistant school.

I was born and raised in _______, located in west coast of India. I came to the United States with my family in 2001. My uncle was a respected physician in Indian which influenced me and I decided to fulfill my career in the field of medicine. I spend my four years at _______ University in biology major. As I was about to start my last semester, I got admission into ________ Medical University, ________ where I earned my medical degree.

Financial situation plays a major role in one’s life so does mine. Everyone knows about lowest economy in 2008 and it hit so many people including me. I stopped getting loan during my fifth semester of my medical school. At same time my parents lost their jobs and situation came down for our survival. Because of financial stress, I just could not work hard which is the reason for my low performance in United States Medical Licensing Examination and I could not get into medical residency. I have cleared USMLE step 1, step 2 and even step 3 which is usually be taken after medical residency but I have cleared it which proves not only that I will excel the physician assistant school but also physician assistant as a career wise.

While at ________ Medical Center in New York, I saw a patient who was suffering from kidney failure due to complications from diabetes. His treatment was successful, but I realized he harbored a deeper and far more dangerous condition: ignorance. Whether he hadn't listened, hadn't comprehended, or wasn't fully informed during his initial diagnosis, he had no clue of the effects of his disease. After informing him his kidneys had just failed, and that next time he could suffer from neurological problems, ulcers, infections, and even the loss of a leg or his life, he agreed to start taking his medication on a regular basis, without fail. The majority of these complications are preventable. Most patients are simply uneducated. They neglect their regular checkups, forget to take their meds, and end up with severe cases of otherwise treatable diseases. I want to offer them proper education; I want to work with them on their overall health; I want to work from the start with my patients. Having a disease is one thing. Understanding and treating its expression is another.

I am working hard to achieve my goals and dreams, but somehow I sense it is not enough. I seek a physician assistant school that will direct me to be the best I can be, push me beyond my perceived limits, expand my knowledge, and help me to become a competent Physician Assistant worthy of his esteemed profession.

As a contributor on a multidisciplinary team of health care providers, I pledge to strengthen my clinical skill set, broaden my knowledge base, and help my patients achieve an optimum state of health. I want to use my abilities to build a better healthy world by increasing healthy years in my patients’ lives and offer my passion, my strong work ethic, my dedication and perseverance, my current skills and knowledge, and my unbending commitment to becoming a PA.

Final Draft:

I was born in ______, ______, India. My uncle was a respected physician in India and, following his lead, I decided to fulfill my career in the field of medicine. When I was 17, my family moved to the United States, and I faced the difficulty of learning a new language and immersing myself in a foreign culture. I spent my four years of undergraduate study at _______ University as a biology major. As I was about to start my last semester, I got accepted into ________ Medical University where I later earned my medical degree. During the first semester of medical school, I found that many of my colleagues quit due to the heavy workload but I am not a quitter. I am dedicated, goal oriented, and do not give up until I achieve what I set out to do.

Despite my determination, as a student I realized how big of a role finances play in one’s life. I stopped receiving student loans during my fifth semester of medical school. Next, both of my parents lost their jobs.  I saw many of my peers withdraw under the same financial burden. “A task accomplished without challenges was never a task to begin with,” my father would say to me; his constant reminder to never give up.  Fueled with these words, my faith, my own determination, and an overwhelming desire to practice medicine, I carried on. Due to the financial stress, I had to take multiple leaves of absence. Despite the circumstances I have completed USMLE step 1, step 2 and even step 3, which is usually taken after medical residency, which I believe shows I have the medical knowledge needed to excel at physician assistant school.

Because of the multiple leaves of absence, I have been unable to get into medical residency and unable to pursue my career as a physician. But my determination and passion won’t allow me to quit. My sister is a Physician Assistant and after she introduced me to the role, I immersed myself in research. During my clinical rotations, I worked with many Physician Assistants and admired their significant level of patient interaction and their ability to work along with physicians and other staff members. One thing I really like is that Physician Assistants can work in a variety of specialties to help facilitate patient care in underserved areas

I know that the PA profession is a growing and demanding career but also know that the future of the profession very secure. PA’s will help bridge the physician shortage gap, particularly in underserved areas, something that appeals to me as someone who wants to practice primary care. As a PA, I will be able to achieve my goal to increase the healthy years in all patients. I have no doubt that I want to pursue my career as a Physician Assistant and am eager to fulfill my dreams and earn respect from my patients as well as my colleagues.

While working as a medical student at ___________ Medical Center in New York, I saw a patient who was suffering from kidney failure due to complications from diabetes. His treatment was successful, but I realized he harbored a deeper and far more dangerous condition: ignorance. I have had a great experience about establishing and maintaining relationship with patients and using that, I was able to educate this patient about his conditions, complications, and how to improve. Having a skill for communication and building a good rapport with not only patients, but also with my colleagues is just one tool I hope to utilize in my practice as a future PA.

My passion toward medicine has been growing since my clinical rotations in medical school. I was fascinated learning about patient interaction, diagnosing patients and how to come up with treatment plans. Whenever a colleague was sick, I always was ready to cover for them, because I knew the more time I spent in training, the better practitioner I would become. Therefore, I worked very hard for my patients, my residents, and my attending physicians to make the whole team look good.

During my gastroenterology elective, I was chief student and team leader, making sure that every task had been done properly. I excel in leadership roles and can multitask successfully. I also have great experience in research publications. I worked as a research assistant at University of ________ in the Neurology Department and have published four articles in the American Academy of Neurology annual meeting 2014.

As a contributor on a multidisciplinary team of health care providers, I pledge to strengthen my clinical skill set, broaden my knowledge base, and help my patients achieve an optimum state of health. Having clinical knowledge, communication skills, the ability to multitask and lead the team, as well as dedication toward my profession, I do believe that I would be an excellent Physician Assistant candidate. I offer my passion for the Physician Assistant profession, my strong work ethic, my dedication and perseverance, my current skills and knowledge, and my unbending commitment to never give up.